Scientists have conducted research and showed that the human brain does not perceive the particle “not”. Let’s do an experiment. I will offer you something, and you will understand everything yourself. Now, try not to think about the balloon right now! Well? Any success? Most likely not, because in your imagination there is an instant picture or an image of a balloon. The brain thinks images, and taboos exist only at the level of fears and emotions. Therefore, when we talk about independence, we have an image of dependence, and therefore – of certain impossibility. Moreover, I even think that the expression “independent Ukraine” creates an image of the eternal struggle against someone’s oppression as an attempt to escape from dependence from someone. And if you look at our history, it is still happening: we depend on someone all the time and we struggle with it all the time, but as a result, we fall into another dependence.

By the way, the state does the same in relation to us, providing social assistance, pensions, benefits, etc. Thus, most people are in a dependent relationship with the state, only in this case, money is the cause of dependence. By becoming accustomed to the state as the cause of our financial stability, we risk being victimized by endlessly accusing the state of tyranny and exploitation, disrespect for our individuality, and disregard for our rights. This is a very deep topic in psychotherapy, where there are a lot of resources and opportunities for realization.

So why did I start all this? 
When we talk about financial independence and try to achieve it, before we learn to create it, we need to understand what we depend on financially. Everyone will have his own answers, and this is normal. Under no circumstances should you devalue this dependence, because it hides personal urgent needs, which are often intertwined with both money and relationships with people close and remote. And only after realizing the hidden needs, it is worth learning to share what is possible and appreciate what is impossible. Only in this case we will talk about that genuine image that you would like to put in “financial independence”, i.e. “financial freedom”. But first you need to understand the very concept of freedom.

I see freedom as having many opportunities to realize – when there is something to choose from. So, the ability to choose many and better — means financial freedom. Unfortunately, as practice and our mentality show, we are prone to dependence, and we are afraid of freedom precisely because of the fear of making choices, making mistakes and taking responsibility for the consequences due to our inherent need for security, and anxiety serves as an indicator for this. But as Kierkegaard wrote: “Anxiety is the dizziness of freedom”. So, given this subtle psychological observation of the philosopher, let us conclude that risk is a noble cause, and dare to deal with the concept of financial dependence in order to achieve freedom to the extent possible. I would probably call it financial interdependence, but I won’t confuse you too much, so let’s limit ourselves to two opposite categories: of financially free and financially dependent person.

So, the topic of dependence in relation to money is determined by the famous Karpman drama triangle with all the ensuing roles of the Victim, the Prosecutor and the Rescuer. Based on this, observations show that there are differences between the thinking of a dependent and a free person. A financially free rich person believes that he is the creator of his own life, and the way he lives is the result of his personal activities. He has more will, and is in a relationship of interdependence with the environment. A financially dependent poor person, if this is not a personal choice, is in a relationship of dependence with the environment, i.e. in the position of a Victim, and thinks, accordingly, that nothing depends on him. There are signs by which the victim is recognized.

The first sign of a victim are accusations. For the victims everyone around is to blame: parents, public, state, officials, circumstances (international system, politics, historical era).

The second sign of the victim are excuses. These are all sorts of myths about money, for example, “money is not the most important in life”, “money spoils”, etc. (we will talk about this separately, since our myths determine our ideology, and without debunking them it is impossible to come to changes and improve the quality of life).

The third sign of the victim are complaints. By complaining, a person becomes a living magnet for trouble, because he creates in his life those troubles on which he focuses. As they say in Gestalt, his background consists of many distorted figures.

So what to do if you have found a victim in yourself?

First, take responsibility for your own life and its results, it is not easy, because there are many fixations from the past, traumatic experiences, childhood beliefs and decisions that are no longer relevant and require rethinking.

Second, accept the fact of your choice to live as you already live. As tough as it sounds, if you have money problems, then it was your choice. What for – this is another question.

Therefore, continuing the topic of differences in the thinking of these two types of people, which touches upon a huge number of human mindsets and beliefs collected over the years of life, I want to draw attention to another important aspect – the problem of choice and attitude toward it.

So, a financially dependent poor person chooses either one or the other, while a rich person chooses both.

What does this mean?

Consider the following example. The limiting belief is what we think: “I can afford either a trip abroad on vacation, at sea, for example, or to make a small renovation in the apartment”. This approach to the situation narrows our opportunities, because in this case we decide to do one thing and automatically set our brain and declare to the world that we will not get the other. With such a decision we close the door, block the opportunity, and accordingly, the flow of energy towards both.

One of the properties of materialization is the creation of a vacuum. We recognize the needs that could be satisfied by a certain amount of money, and we leave this space empty. So the correct solution will be – “I choose a trip and repair, and I leave opportunities for realization open”. Remember: “There will be a day – there will be food!”, and it is not about you getting everything for granted, but that if you have made a decision – your brain will work in this direction, to look for ways to find resources, to organize space for you.

A rich person who knows how to make money with his “own brain” looks at the world with an open heart and sees opportunities in it, a poor man is too fixated on obstacles, and his thoughts lead him towards the impossibility with the help of explaining it with circumstances. His inner voice says: “You won’t succeed”, “You can’t afford it!”, “It’s too complicated!”, “This is already occupied by others!”, “No one needs your services or goods!” and so on and so forth, everyone has his own excuses for this, which need to be studied individually.

It is very important in such cases to remember your successes and achievements in life, no matter in what field, the time when you were sure that you would succeed, to focus on the feelings and sensations of those cases, to open yourself to the world, to be inspired by it. Every time you feel the impossibility of obstacles, ask yourself the same question: “What opportunities are hidden here?”. Over time, you will see the potential in yourself and the circumstances around you, you will start to notice the possibilities of overcoming the impossible, and finally believe that the opportunities are everywhere.

To continuing this conversation about the differences in the thinking of the poor and the rich, I want to look at this issue from another angle. Of course, I will draw a perfect picture, counting on your conscious approach to this issue, because by rich and successful I mean people who provide themselves with financial freedom, realize their talents and abilities, help others with their work, strive to improve themselves and the world around them.

So the rich admire the wealthy and successful, the poor resent wealth and success.

Have you noticed how often you can hear unpleasant statements about a wealthy successful person? For example, that he was just lucky, or he is too mercantile and practical, or he measures everything only with money, perhaps something about greed, selfishness, and maybe even about the insufficient level of spiritual development… You can continue this list on your own, I think you will have your own arguments.

And here I want to ask you the following: what associations do you have with wealthy people? If you try to remember the rich people you have met in your life since childhood and write out associations with them, what others said about them, it will become more clear for you why you personally find it difficult to achieve financial freedom, because this is your limiting beliefs that prevent you from earning money, because if you start earning, your brain will automatically reward you with this unworthy list, which means that you will be bad in your own eyes, which you, of course, can not allow in any way.

What to do?

The answer is simple – to separate the ability to earn money and personal qualities, because you can only devalue what has its own hidden value. I offer a following model: if you see success, admire it, do not dwell on the fact that you will not be able to achieve it, but admit that you also want it. Let yourself be motivated and inspired, ask yourself the following questions: “What does this successful person do to be financially free?”, “How and what could I do the same way?”.

And remember, thinking about the shortcomings of rich people is just a way to justify your own reluctance to overcome the impossibility, to do nothing and stay in the same, safe, though not very comfortable, place.

Since money is a medium of exchange, the reverse side of value is also gratitude, which is measured in monetary terms.

It is well known that for a successful result in learning anything, motivation is important. Often the means of such motivation for us is money. If you want to succeed in your activities, you should not save on your learning.

Free knowledge is usually of very little value and often does not find practical application. The more a person invests in the treasury of his development, the more value his knowledge acquires and then yields the dividends in his life and activity. On this subject I remember a story in the life of Jesus, when he told the disciples that the widow who put two mites into the treasury (this was the smallest amount compared to the rest), donated the most, because it was all her wealth.

I often hear complaints that people do not know how to charge money for their services, thereby underestimating not only their cost, but also their value to other people, customers, for example.

Similarly, people who pay for their education (their professional growth) complain that it costs them too much. And these are two sides of the same coin, a situation in which the attitude directly affects the result. If you can pay your teachers with faith and gratitude, feeling the importance, your expectations of yourself and your faith in yourself will grow. By investing in your development, you will learn to appreciate not only your knowledge and professionalism, but also what you do in your field – your goods and services.

Sometimes I’m asked why a therapist can’t work as a friend, for free, for example. First of all, because of dependence, because working for free, he makes a virtue and automatically acquires power over the client, driving him into a dependent relationship, and it is payment for therapy that is a guarantee for the client, confirmation that he is in an environmentally friendly relationship.

The same principle works in other spheres of activity. Money is only a means of mutual enrichment, use it for motivation, for development, and let this benefit be mutual and for the good — for you and others at the same time.

Aeschylus in the 5th century BC said that a wise person knows the right things, not many things…

Financial freedom is not so much dependent on the amount of money, but on the inner freedom to recognize the needs, the satisfaction of which is directly related to money, on ability to find opportunities to overcome the difficulties on the way to the realization of desires, on creative approach to interacting with the world through activities and projecting personal qualities int these activities, on ability to enjoy the process, and finally on the knowledge of oneself, celebrating own experience, both successful and not, because we can change only what we can measure, let into consciousness learn, to keep moving in life, develop and grow as a person, who deserves to realize its potential, create a better world inside and around.