In psychology, the issue of debts is rather multifaceted. In this article, I would like to examine it with the context of the dependent behavior and consciousness of needs concept.

In the previous works, I already said that money is the metaphor of the contact boundary, as they represent resources, which from one side help us to satisfy needs, and with another – they motivate to develop through the realization of the potential in the process of activity. This is why money itself can not be a source of debt.

Debts are also not dependent on income. Incomes can increase, while debts are not repaid.

From one side, they depend on the quality of contact and interaction with important people and the surrounding environment (world), from another – on the level of awareness and responsibility for understanding by the person of his own needs, and also by the ability of meeting them in the most effective and healthy way without blocking mechanisms (read more in the article “Money and contact cycle”).

The existence of debt is a sign of dependent relationships, the basis of which is a permanent running around in circles of the social model of behavior ”victim-persecutor-rescuer”. In such a relationship, a person, money and his environment all the time play these three roles:

“I want something, that I can not afford“ – I am the victim, money is a persecutor;

then I become a persecutor – “I need something, that I can not afford, I have to find“ – personal finances suffer – money turns into a victim, and the environment, which lends money – into a rescuer;

as a result – “I have debts” – money or the environment turns into a persecutor, and I – into a victim … and so on …

This model is accompanied by the corresponding feelings of guilt, resentment, anger, regret, and helplessness to get out the vicious circle. In this way, the debt receives power over a person.

It’s important to understand what kind of power and authority it possesses, and then assign this power to himself, as the debt is that pushed outside of the world part, where a certain need is hidden, which one must recognize and address. Below I’ll give you an example of the exercise on this issue to do on your own.

Along with it is important to figure out the needs, which stand behind the desire for money: do these desires match the with needs.

Before realizing the desires associated with money, one needs to learn to recognize and realize the needs. It will also allow for a reasonable distribution of income, will reinforce the sense of security and create a platform to access a new level – organizing a life based on desires, which will strengthen the ego-function which is responsible for creativity and creative adaptation in professional activity and earning money, according to the potential and skills.

In this sense, the presence of debt is the result of the so-called deflexion – the usual way to temporarily break the tension: to borrow and buy a thing that is not required (need), but there is desired. Thus, tension goes away and energy spills out, which, if you take a little time to live through this tension from desire, could be directed towards satisfying a hidden need, and would serve as an opportunity to organize activities in such a way that in future you earn more .

The needs and desires are at different levels.

The needs are primary, they come out of our ID and are supported by bodily sensations, which is based on securing of our safety, and then the body is quicker to release energy for their satisfaction, and the person is immediately looking for means. This is motivating.

Desires are secondary and require more time and effort to realize, they are at the level of our personality as a knowledge about oneself (what I want and how to do it in the best way). This level provides a sense of freedom and is governed by relationships.

Therefore, learning the skills of financial freedom refers to the synchronization of needs and desires.

It is important to understand that if in childhood the needs were frustrated, and there were violations of the process of satisfying them with significant figures, which is a psychological trauma, then problems with the recognition of needs and the realization of desires are inevitable. Confusion appears. People who were deprived financially in childhood, and this in some way frustrated their needs, creating an unsafe state, in their adult lives are chasing desires, wasting financial resources in vain.

While working with such clients, I often hear: “I was deprived in my childhood and now I try to buy everything for myself, despite the fact that I am in debt, trying to prove to the world that I am OK and worthy to accept it.”.

It is worth noting that it is not a pathological debt when there is a conscious choice to borrow to buy something, if this debt contributes to the development and growth of income, and is calculated with an understanding of responsibility and perspective, and not from the state of the victim. Such mechanism is often used by businessmen when, for example, they buy yachts with the loaned money and rent them out, so that they pay off the loan and earn at the same time.

So, if you have debts, I suggest you play a game that will allow you to integrate the displaced part and discover hidden needs:

1. Imagine that you are your duty, stay that way and tell yourself what are you like to be a debt, how you feel bodily, describe yourself in as much detail as possible, using as many adjectives as possible.
2. Tell about what has appeared, but this time only about yourself and on your own behalf – assign yourself these qualities.
3. Think about what needs are behind each quality you recognized: for example, if you felt safe as a debt, it means that your debt somehow creates security for you, thus satisfying your need for security (this its secondary benefit to you).
4. Think about how you can create your own security in a different way.
5. Write down every quality and look for hidden needs, as well as new ways to satisfy them.

Without the help of a professional (psychotherapist or coach), this exercise is rather difficult to do, so do it in writing, this will help you keep focused.

And remember, desires associated with financial spendings require time and effort not so much in their realization as in the ability to withstand their stress (including relying on bodily sensations), so that at the site of splitting there would appear an ability to synchronize with the needs and the resulting internal harmonious and pleasant motivation for action that expands the boundaries of our world.