In previous articles, I’ve touched on how the subject of money in psychology often overlaps with the emotions tied to it. As Kiyosaki aptly states, “Money is an emotional thing. If you can’t control your emotions, then emotions will start to control your money.” This rings true—not because money is inherently emotional, but because it exists at the intersection of relationships and interactions.

Money is the outcome of exchanges between us and the people we engage with—clients, colleagues, partners, subordinates, or supervisors. It reflects the value we provide through our skills, expertise, talents, and abilities. Since relationships and interactions inevitably impact our emotional world, it’s no surprise that money, as the product of these exchanges, is infused with emotional significance.

In this article, we’ll delve into the emotions that drive our desire to earn and how they shape our approach to money.

Why Does This Matter?

These emotions are significant because they don’t just impact the outcomes (such as financial rewards), but also the processes involved in your work—whether it’s running a business or performing any job that requires interaction with others. Negative emotions can become obstacles, subtly or directly affecting the quality of your relationships and interactions. This, in turn, influences your ability to fully express and project your skills, talents, and abilities through your work, impacting your sense of fulfillment.

In this discussion, we’ll approach the topic from the perspective of scientific social psychology. We won’t be diving into positivist ideologies or magical rituals, such as “How to charge your money with positive energy.” That said, I’ll briefly mention an interesting Zen-inspired practice highlighted by Ken Honda. He suggests expressing gratitude toward money—thanking it when you receive or spend it—as a way to approach financial transactions with ease and joy. While you’re welcome to try this, it’s not our main focus here.

Instead, let’s take a deeper dive into the psychology behind these emotions and their influence on your professional and personal growth.

Dull Money or Restless Money?

Do you feel more downhearted (disappointed, dissatisfied, or sad) when you can’t earn enough to meet your needs, or do you worry (feel anxious, fearful, or unsettled)? This question extends beyond earning—it also applies to your work and how you manage your income and expenses. Does your job leave you feeling dejected or constantly anxious? Do your financial decisions bring dissatisfaction, like paying for something begrudgingly without gaining any joy, or do they immediately trigger worries about running out of money?

If none of this resonates with you, you can skip this article. But if you see yourself in these scenarios, stick around as we dive into some theory.

Of course, as with many things, this starts in childhood—but we’ll address that later. For now, let’s explore the theory of self-discrepancy. According to this theory, our sense of self, which includes our thoughts, knowledge, emotions, and behavior, is divided into three components:

• The actual self (who you are in reality)
• The ideal self (who you aspire to be)
• The ought self (who you feel you should be)

When there’s a gap between the actual self and either the ideal self or the ought self, a form of internal conflict arises. This discrepancy triggers emotions as part of our self-regulation process.

Research suggests that when our actual self doesn’t align with our ideal self, we experience emotions like disappointment, dissatisfaction, and sadness. On the other hand, when we fall short of our ought self, feelings of worry, anxiety, and fear tend to emerge.

Applying this to finances, if the way you ideally want to live and the wealth you aspire to achieve don’t align with your current reality, you may either set goals to work toward those desires or fall into feelings of dejection. This can manifest as disappointment in your inability to earn enough, dissatisfaction with your quality of life, and perhaps even unhappiness with your job.

Conversely, when your **ought self**—your sense of who you should be in terms of financial success—clashes with your current reality, worry often takes over, leading to anxiety and fear.

This raises an important question: what drives your approach to earning and work? Are you motivated by the pursuit of your ideals, or by the discomfort of lacking something essential? These nuances matter because they reveal the deeper motivations behind our actions: are we striving for fulfillment, or are we trying to escape fear and need? Do we earn to create a better life, or simply to avoid the discomfort of financial insecurity?

Understanding these distinctions can help you reflect on your relationship with money, work, and the emotions they evoke.

What are the reasons behind this?

To understand the reasoning, we must delve into the theory of regulatory focus (Higgins, 1997, 1998). This theory suggests that self-regulation operates through two distinct systems that guide individuals’ internal focus: the promotion system and the prevention system.

The promotion system is tied to one’s ideal self and revolves around the presence or absence of positive outcomes. It focuses on achieving aspirations and desires, such as the material and personal fulfillment that money can provide. This system employs an approach-oriented strategy, with individuals actively seeking growth, success, and opportunities. Those with a promotion focus are often highly attuned to relationships within groups, such as teamwork or client interactions, and prioritize meaningful connections. Their internal dialogue is forward-thinking, framed as: “How can I achieve this? How can I get there?” These individuals typically grow up in environments where their successes are rewarded with love and encouragement (presence of positive events), while a lack of achievements may be met with emotional withdrawal (absence of positive events).

In contrast, the prevention system is aligned with one’s “ought self” and is focused on avoiding negative outcomes. It emphasizes security, safety, and the absence of risks, such as using money to maintain stability and protect against harm. This system employs an avoidance-oriented strategy, where individuals prioritize caution and risk aversion. People with a prevention focus often struggle with group dynamics or client relationships, as their primary concern is avoiding mistakes or uncomfortable interactions. Their inner dialogue frequently begins with: “In order to avoid…” For instance, “I want to earn money to avoid poverty, deprivation, or suffering.” In childhood, these individuals were often raised in environments that emphasized vigilance, caution, and avoiding harm (absence of negative events), while undesirable behavior was met with punishment or reprimand (presence of negative events).

In summary, some people are motivated by winning or not winning, while others are driven by the fear of losing or not losing. The former are inspired by positive role models and actively engage in opportunities, even at the risk of failure. The latter are influenced by negative outcomes and prefer to avoid risks altogether, focusing instead on preventing losses or setbacks.

To determine which system underlies your relationship with money, ask yourself the following questions:

– What do you focus on when it comes to money: desires or obligations/should nots?

– Do you work and earn for offense or defense (like in a basketball game)?

– Are you working towards achieving what you desire or avoiding discomfort and dangers?

– What underlies your desire to earn or have money: striving for an ideal life or trying to eliminate fears?

It all comes down to the mental images that drive these aspirations.

Promotive system

If you’re experiencing feelings of sadness, disappointment, dissatisfaction, or melancholy in relation to earning money and work, it’s likely that your needs regarding money are in the realm of a gap between your ideal and actual self. In that case, it’s important to work with your desires and ideal images to extract the ideal qualities projected there and integrate them into your actual self.

Answer the following questions:

– What kind of life do you want to live? What ideal financial scenarios would you like to play out in your life? How much would you ideally like to earn and what would you spend it on?

Next, imagine yourself as those ideal finances and describe what kind of money you are. You’ll create a list of qualities. In reality, these qualities are the ones you aspire to, the ones you want to enrich your self with. This is your growth zone.

Answer the following questions:

– How can you already cultivate these qualities and states in your life?

– In which areas of your life would you like to manifest them in reality?

– How can you project each quality into your work?

Prevention system

If you often experience emotions like anxiety, fear, or apprehension, the gap between your beliefs about who you should be (your “ought self”) and who you perceive yourself to be (your “actual self”) may be the source of this disconnect.

Prioritizing safety is essential, and it’s crucial to approach it with clear, actionable steps:

– Fears (make a list)

  – What are your fears, and how can you take steps to ensure your safety in each situation they represent?

– Worries (make a list)

– What concerns you? Which parts are grounded in reality, and which are not?

Who influenced your concerns or discouraged you for behaviors deemed undesirable, and how did they do so?

• How might you face consequences for your actions or shortcomings? How do these relate to the punishments you encountered during childhood?
• How have you suppressed your desires as a result?

It’s essential to ignite a sense of risk and play, to awaken desires:

• What would you desire if fear didn’t exist and you felt completely safe?
• What would you aim to earn if it came with complete security?

Your task is to explore the driving forces behind your relationship with money and the ways you earn it. Reflect on your motivations, gaining clarity by distinguishing past experiences from your current reality.

Your goal is to develop awareness of your self-regulation mechanisms and consciously work to close the gaps between your current self, your ideal self, and your expected self. This involves embracing qualities and fostering the states of being you aspire to achieve.

A recent participant in my money psychology course shared an incredible success story. Just two months after completing the program, she was offered a job with a salary that perfectly matched the ideal amount she had envisioned during our sessions.

Refocus your attention and refine the way you frame your internal questions.

The brain functions much like a computer, thriving on solving problems. However, to arrive at solutions, it’s crucial to frame the task effectively. One of the most powerful approaches is to ask yourself the right question: “How can I achieve an income of ______ (insert your desired amount) through my work?” Repeating this question daily over a sustained period can activate your mind’s internal search engine, uncovering options and opportunities to turn your intentions into reality. This question not only sparks curiosity—a driving force of human progress, as noted by ancient Greek philosophers—but also opens the door to new perspectives and possibilities, expanding your awareness and potential.